truth

I find myself parking always at the same place
where I definitely made some decisions.
And when I talk about that place
I can tell by the look upon your face
that you've made some decisions as well.
Thus
I'm seducing my cell phone
and sticking around
'cause a song told me to
and scratching in my notebook
some 'versaries
and insecurities
and maybe some pro's and con's.
Con's
my hands are milksops
and can't use lighters
I seem to remember absolutely everything
and I'm starting to hate
everything west of the Mississippi River.
Pro's
there's only one
that when you're patting your pockets
for the heart you can't seem to find
or you left it at home,
well, God screwed up
and gave me two,
so you can have it,
if you want.
And do what you will:
eat it out,
know it by,
change or stand it still
but whatever, it's yours,
and I'm still parked right here,
sitting and drawing,
waiting for you to appear.

Sorry, that's just how it's got to be.

It's just about autumn, and I've decided to use this as a bit of a springboard for New Years. I guess I'll check in on my resolutions and things to do before I die.


Resolutions.


I have resolved to not fall in love anymore.  I simply neither have the time nor patience to lie on my floor grasping my chest out of love pangs. All the energy that goes into my previous devotions will be spent otherwise on education, art, and books, (for all creative purposes, not art for the sake of love.)
Oops. Nope.

Purify, as intangibly as possible.  Deeds will be done because of pure motivation, and solely for that singular motivation.  No ulterior motives, manipulation, or hiding the truth. Blunt. White. Pure.
Actually, I haven't been manipulative much at all, if at all. I have lied little. And I've even been working on telling the immediate truth.

Depress less. Smile more.
Ha, well, I have had a quicker bounce-back time, if that counts, that is, if you don't count most of July and August. Whatever, I mean, summer gives everyone this stupid mentality that I don't function well around.

Quit cutting my hair.
Doing well. Taking good strides in grooming. Maybe too many strides in vanity though.

Drink more water.
Yes. Got a gallon right here.

Be taken seriously. (Always a resolution of mine).
Not really. Being completely honest, I feel more like entertainment to people than a friend or various other titles. I guess being a joke is nicer than being an enemy, but I've got to be an ali, too. And as much as I love silly, I've got these hearts? And they're my sleeves, and sometimes snickering stings.

Look better in pictures.
Not yet, but a little maybe. 

Be pleasantly surprised (also always a resolution of mine. Though this time it will not involve love).
I was pleasantly surprised this year. I took more risks. I am still taking more risks.

Pay dues to my idols.  Someway, somehow, I am going to do something about my heroes.
I've been reading all their autobiographies. I probably shouldn't have bought them second hand, but they are well-loved.


So, checked my bucket-list. Nothing. I did kiss a girl though.




Here's the deal. Art is going to be more concomitant. I'm going to do more trusting, but equally as much second guessing. I think I'm going to stand up for myself, too. It probably isn't too late to start that.