It's just about autumn, and I've decided to use this as a bit of a springboard for New Years. I guess I'll check in on my resolutions and things to do before I die.
Resolutions.
I have resolved to not fall in love anymore. I simply neither have the time nor patience to lie on my floor grasping my chest out of love pangs. All the energy that goes into my previous devotions will be spent otherwise on education, art, and books, (for all creative purposes, not art for the sake of love.)
Oops. Nope.
Purify, as intangibly as possible. Deeds will be done because of pure motivation, and solely for that singular motivation. No ulterior motives, manipulation, or hiding the truth. Blunt. White. Pure.
Actually, I haven't been manipulative much at all, if at all. I have lied little. And I've even been working on telling the immediate truth.
Depress less. Smile more.
Ha, well, I have had a quicker bounce-back time, if that counts, that is, if you don't count most of July and August. Whatever, I mean, summer gives everyone this stupid mentality that I don't function well around.
Quit cutting my hair.
Doing well. Taking good strides in grooming. Maybe too many strides in vanity though.
Drink more water.
Yes. Got a gallon right here.
Be taken seriously. (Always a resolution of mine).
Not really. Being completely honest, I feel more like entertainment to people than a friend or various other titles. I guess being a joke is nicer than being an enemy, but I've got to be an ali, too. And as much as I love silly, I've got these hearts? And they're my sleeves, and sometimes snickering stings.
Look better in pictures.
Not yet, but a little maybe.
Be pleasantly surprised (also always a resolution of mine. Though this time it will not involve love).
I was pleasantly surprised this year. I took more risks. I am still taking more risks.
Pay dues to my idols. Someway, somehow, I am going to do something about my heroes.
I've been reading all their autobiographies. I probably shouldn't have bought them second hand, but they are well-loved.
So, checked my bucket-list. Nothing. I did kiss a girl though.
Here's the deal. Art is going to be more concomitant. I'm going to do more trusting, but equally as much second guessing. I think I'm going to stand up for myself, too. It probably isn't too late to start that.
I always worry a little when I read your blog entries that have resolutions for the future.
ReplyDeleteThere's a resilient tone of Ali pulling her coat on tight against the elements.
Somewhere between considering you could be a figure of fun, and the purposeful closing of emotions or restriction of behaviour, there's a stark message that says, 'I'm going to freeze up and freeze people out.'
Now, as an anonymous, ill-educated voice of the internet abyss, I have NO say in such matters, HOWEVER, I would tentatively say: don't go doing anything militant that doesn't benefit your lovely self. Don't build up too much of a guard and purse your mouth too much.
Putting that guard *right* up can be handy, but try taking it down when you REALLY need to one day. People get stuck that way. No. Really they do.
Ugh. Maybe what I'm trying to say is that you have a natural charm and persona that's quite spectacular. You're unique. Sure, everyone's unique - blah, blah, blah - but I think you don't quite get it, because you live with you.
Who knows? Maybe my addled, ill-informed brain read too deep, and maybe I'll cause offense, but don't box it up. Don't hop on the conveyor belt. Pah. Selfish me.
I'm waffling because these determined posts concern me.
Okay, I re-read that. Slap me. I like that you'll still do trusting.
Stopping trusting is a bad route to start on. No matter how burnt you get. It sucks more when a bright light like yourself gets dimmed as a result.
I'm not typing all this here for something-to-say, or to get a pat on the back. It's not going to earn me some respect... much more likely it'll just piss you off.
I don't know best. I've most likely got this wrong. I don't have a right. Just, y'know, stay true.
Ah, what do I know?
It's 4am. I think I got it wrong, and just hijacked a perfectly well-meaning blog entry.
4am, and I heckled from the cheap seats :(
There's a huge compliment in here somewhere, Ali.
anon. x