New Years Blog (5th annual)

I have survived another year. Slightly W-T-F, also kind of a relief.

Some resolutions.

I have resolved to not fall in love anymore.  I simply neither have the time nor patience to lie on my floor grasping my chest out of love pangs. All the energy that goes into my previous devotions will be spent otherwise on education, art, and books, (for all creative purposes, not art for the sake of love.)

Purify, as intangibly as possible.  Deeds will be done because of pure motivation, and solely for that singular motivation.  No ulterior motives, manipulation, or hiding the truth. Blunt. White. Pure.

Depress less. Smile more.

Quit cutting my hair.

Drink more water.

Be taken seriously. (Always a resolution of mine).

Look better in pictures.

Be pleasantly surprised (also always a resolution of mine. Though this time it will not involve love).

Pay dues to my idols.  Someway, somehow, I am going to do something about my heroes.

Ali's Good Things of 2009:

twitter, cats, the color yellow, skirts and dresses, kissing, my friends, watercolors, sockeye salmon, George, resale stores, scented candles, my bed, mythology class, all the trips, strangers, when people stop being strangers.

Ali's Things that can go to hell in 2009:

24 hour celebrity death coverage on television, sex, mononucleosis, breakups, hookups, myspace, REL 110, commuting, people moving away, liars, death, navy blue.

I love you all. Have a safe and happy entry into 2010. Fuck the 2000-single-digits.

Comedy.

"Indie-Off 2009"

*Warning EXPLICIT Content, and offensive material is the basis of this actual conversation*

E. Wow, Sorry about yesterday, I shouldn't drink so much I could barely walk. I cut my toenails you would have been proud. Thought of you.

A. It's cool boy, we're alive.

E. Deep.

A. You know me. They actually wanted me to make Where the Wild Things Are, but I declined, because my screenplay blew too many people's minds.

E. I wondered why they didn't pick you. They didn't pick my screenplay because of the perverse sexual content.

A. Oh yeah, in mine the boy rapes the monsters but their orgasms cure world hunger.

E. In mine, the monsters rape themselves.

A. Yeah, but in mine, Spike Jonze and Wes Anderson have sex.

E. Yeah, but in mine, Wes Anderson and Max have sex.

A. Yeah, but in mine there is an orgy with that girl from Donnie Darko, and Donnie Darko, and Johnny Depp.

E. Animal Collective plays the monsters in mine. Jared Leto cuts off his own dick.

A. Heath Leger is still alive in mine. And mine features Animal Collective before they got popular. E. Stanley Kubrick's corpse is dug up and I make a marionette out of him.

A. Ingmar Bergman jacks off and his cum is the opening titles.

E. Barack Obama plays Max.

A. Ron Paul narrates.

E. Ron Jeremy narrates.

A. Fail. Ron Jeremy is not indie. In mine, John Lennon is still alive.

E. Double Fail, John Lennon is too mainstream. Everyone knows the Beatles. John Lennon's old barber is in mine. He fingers the monsters.

A. Well Yoko Ono is Max's mom. And no, all indies love John Lennon.

E. But I liked him before he was popular.

A. You also wore two belts.

E. I also fucked Zoe Deschanel.

A. I had sex with Crystal Castles in American Apparel with the cast of Royal Tennenbaums watching with Eraserhead on in the background.

E. Keep in mind I own American Apparel.

A. Roman Polanski is my boyfriend.

E. I taught him everything I know about unlawful sex.

A. I ended the scenexcore movement.

E. I inspired Bob Dylan.

A. I inspired Beck. And I am having sex with Conor Oberst right now.

E. Courtney Love has a dildo shaped like my face.

A. I did coke off of hipsterrunnoff.com's headquarters.

E. I play legos with M. Ward.

A. I never wear bras and I'm a party photographer named rainbow-disco-cunt.

E. I buy my absinthe from Whole Foods.

A. I sew all my clothes and only date artists. I'm in the Flaming Lips.

E. I named my kids after different types of clouds.

A. I got my iPhone from Steve Jobs himself, while he was making out with Ellen Page (pregnant with Michael Cera's baby)

E. Steve Jobs got a fat dick.

A. I'm an actress...

A. Have a good night at work, Eb. This is going on my blog.

E. Lol I'm so honored.