wtf is that?
I wish this time I was direct, but I think I am going to beat around the bush, shillyshally, and drag my feet. Oh and play with some words so I don't exactly tell the truth. Funny. One of my first lies on this steaming pile of words.
I have this flower, and it's dying. I wanted to put it in water, but that is too formal. Had I put it in water, it would have been like receiving an actual flower. But it was just picked right in front of me, and handed right to me. I kept it. And I painted it. But now it's going to die. And I just want to say thanks, but I don't know where my giver is. Where are you? Can I let you know that I liked listening to David Bowie all night? And the way you acted like an eight year old boy, pulling my hair and twisting my arm and throwing me around. And the sunrise on that dirt hill was lovely. I really have never gone somewhere to watch the sunrise until that morning. I did sincerely enjoy that all. It may as well have been a dream.
Serious? Hopeless? Does anyone endorse this?
I think instead of pursuing anyone ever again, I am going to just hopelessly adore someone who doesn't know me at all. Like we all used to do when we were little, just completely fascinate with little things, a silly little crush, that will never manifest.
Interestingly enough, I am not sad over all this. In fact, I am somewhat happy. It's easier this way.
So, two playlists... One titled "Songs to end your life to" and "Songs to change your mind to" Just thought it was funny.
So, just *once* I filled out one of those ridiculous online who-did-u-last-text? surveys.
ReplyDeleteI'd been kept awake all night by my savage ex.
It was an horrific night.
...and by the end of the survey, I kind of found an upturn in fortunes/feelings, via he last question:
"- Have you ever kissed someone and never saw them again?
Yeah. Isn't that great in a really nice way? It's kind of romantic.
We can do that if you'd like. Let's give each other fake names. Fake jobs. We're teenagers. Walk away smiling. Seriously, I'd love that.
I. Am. So. Tired.
Someone come share this bed with me. It's huge, we'll sleep. Tomorrow is Sunday, we can go somewhere nice. It's not a date.... but, y'know, umm, maybe don't bring your boyfriend.
Seeya."
Ridiculous, but I finished that dumb thing happy. That idea that it's not casual sex or cheap treatment of another person. Just happy, intense shared time with a limit and a goodbye.